You're an Idiot and Here's Why
by Senko Wakimarin
Summary: A collection of ministories relating to Kakuzu and Hidan. Some are funny, some are not all are yaoi based.


**You're an Idiot, and Here's Why**

**(Valentine's Day Love for KakuHidan)**

Senko Wakimarin

**Kink**

When first introduced to Hidan, Kakuzu tried to be pissed at having such a ridiculous partner. However, at the mention of the religious man's apparent masochism, he couldn't help but imagine the perks of such a relationship.

**Sanity**

Kakuzu often thinks he's loosing his mind… but Hidan is always there to pull him back from the brink, whether with a scream of pain or the sweetest sort of kiss.

**Heaven**

_This is close enough to heaven_, Hidan imagines as he curls closer to Kakuzu's chest, _Dying can wait_.

**Hell**

The screams of the dying are like hell for the religious man, but he's given up that argument. Let Kakuzu do as he pleases, he figures, we'll enjoy hell all the better that way.

**Stars**

Regardless of the time, when Kakuzu gives him that gentle kiss, Hidan sees stars.

**Prayer**

His opinion hasn't changed- his partner's religion is still tedious and pointless… but sometimes it's nice to know that someone is praying for his soul.

**Soft**

Hidan loves to run his fingers through Kakuzu's soft hair, something only he is allowed to touch.

**Weakness**

The only thing that Kakuzu really hates about being with Hidan is how their affection makes them weak… but he'd as soon die as go back to life with out the foul-mouthed preacher.

**Cute**

Hidan wished he understood why Kakuzu insisted on hiding his hair- it wasn't ugly, and the way it fell in his face was almost cute.

**Pain**

Kakuzu can't get enough of that little keen of pain Hidan always makes when they fool around… maybe if they weren't both obsessed with the sensation he wouldn't have to patch the other man up so often.

**Fear**

It takes a lot to scare Kakuzu, but (though he'd never admit it) the sight of Hidan's head separated from his body and the conclusion that his partner was dead was enough to do the trick.

**Gentle**

On the rare occasion that they play at being gentle with each other, Kakuzu almost thinks that Hidan might be right about heaven.

**Payment**

When Hidan costs Kakuzu a bounty, the price he'll pay is always heavy… and Hidan can't wait to try again.

**Comfort**

There is nothing more comforting than the warmth of your lover pressed close on a cold night, and Hidan takes advantage of the luxury as often as he can.

**Violence**

They make love like cats, biting and scratching and hissing curses at one another until they're too spent to do more than hold each other and sleep away the drug of their love.

**Devotion**

Falling asleep in the warm circle of Kakuzu's arms, Hidan comes to the realization that God is no longer his only devotion.

**Jealousy**

Listening to Hidan chatter idly with Kisame, Kakuzu feels an odd bubble of jealousy bud in his mind when he realizes he's not the only one Hidan has to talk to.

**Bondage**

Hidan tests the straps holding him to the bed, and when Kakuzu smirks with a deeper measure of maliciousness, he considers struggling for real… but at the first light touch he forgets all about worrying.

**Immortal**

Kakuzu had begun to think that he would be with Hidan forever, and the brief glimpse of his lover's demise is enough to make the taste of life in his mouth very bitter indeed.

**Sick**

On one of the rare occasions that he gets ill, Hidan lays in bed and is amazed by the cute sort of protectiveness Kakuzu puts into his care-giving.

**Explosive**

It takes very little to set Kakuzu off, but somehow Hidan always knows how to relieve him of his rage.

**Break**

Sometimes Kakuzu would like nothing more than to rip Hidan's head right off… but that look of mild confusion when he voices his intent to do harm is enough to make sure he doesn't hurt the other man too badly.

**Control**

Kakuzu likes to be in control, and he exerts his dominance wherever he can. Hidan figures he should have expected as much, and really, he doesn't mind… it makes him feel secure.

**Waking**

It's fun to watch the preacher wake up… he'd look around for a moment, yawn, and curl back against Kakuzu's chest, murmuring his request for a least five more minutes.

**Kiss**

For a man who had lived so long and would never die, Kakuzu found it very amusing that Hidan had no idea how to kiss.

**Owned**

Kakuzu had never thought he'd feel so completely owned, but when Hidan holds on to him, he knows that the zealot has claimed at least one of his hearts.

**Enough**

They both love pain- Kakuzu gives, Hidan takes- but sometimes it's nice to be together without either of them bleeding.

**Jerk**

"Stop scratching"

"They _itch_."

"Scratch 'em again and I'll break your hands. They're holding your head on. Deal with it."

"…You're such an asshole."

"Love you too."

**I Love You**

The first time he says it, Hidan braces himself for one of Kakuzu's bone-breaking punches. He's surprised to feel those lips pressed almost awkwardly to his own, an affirmation of reciprocation passed on silently.

**Coffee**

It's amusing to Kakuzu that a highly trained shinobi like Hidan still requires a cup of coffee in the morning to resemble something close to human.

**Happiness**

Regardless of how they argue, they both know that their happiness is with the other, and nothing will change it.

**Stay With Me**

When Hidan realizes that their relationship is not as secret as he'd imagines, he becomes uncomfortable, and offers Kakuzu and easy way out… Kakuzu only frowns and gives him one of those not-quite-chaste kisses, asking without words for Hidan to stay with him.

(A.N. Here it is, and there it went. My Valentine's Day gift to the world. Hope you all enjoy, and kudos to Nire-chan on DA for the idea for 'Jerk'. Don't eat me.)


End file.
